Garrett and Crispy is the first episode of Mega64nimation released on Sep 26, 2011. Garrett tells a story from his childhood and uncomfortable truths are revealed.
Starring[]
Transcript[]
GARRETT: One time a friend of mine he put a hundred dollar bill across his penis, and I was gonna go remove it with my mouth, and I got close and then he chickened out. So, but we're not gay. I just wanted a hundred dollars.
ROCCO: Well... that's... debatable. um.
GARRETT: Heh heh heh heh.
DERRICK: Wait wait wait wait.
GARRETT: This guy Crispy, like when we were in junior high.
ROCCO: Crispy?
SHAWN: Is that a real story?
ROCCO: Oh my god.
DERRICK: Garret... you're... you're a faggot!
GARRETT: No! No! it's not!
DERRICK: Why would he have his dick out to begin with!
GARRETT: Because he said 'what would you do for this hundred dollars?' he had a hundred dollar bill
ROCCO: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
GARRETT: and I said "I'll suck your dick" so he took his dick out
ROCCO: Thanks, Crispy.
GARRETT: and he put a hundred dollars over his dick.
DERRICK: You're gay!
GARRETT: Crispy, you remember this.
DERRICK: You're gay!
GARRETT: And I went for it, but then he pulled away, "Nooooo!" he was afraid I was gonna take his money.
DERRICK: I have three letters for you, "U R GAY"
GARRETT: That's, that's words. That's not even letters.
ROCCO: You're still gay.
GARRETT: Whatever. Say what you want. I don't give a fuck.
ROCCO: I ain't care!
GARRETT: I ain't care. I'm secure in my masculinity.
DERRICK: Apparently.
SHAWN: He wants me to marry him.
DERRICK: He's so secure he can suck a dick for money. That's how straight he is.
ROCCO: Yeah.
SHAWN: Wow. That's pretty secure.
DERRICK: Hey, no, no offense to gay people, but if you're gay, I wannna know.
GARRETT: No offense, there's nothing wrong with gays. There's nothing wrong with that. Seinfeld episode. But...
DERRICK: Seinfeld episode. You remember that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was like "There's nothing wrong with the gays"
SHAWN: I sucked a dick! I'm Jerry Seinfeld!
GARRETT: I didn't suck a dick though...
DERRICK: I wouldn't even grab somebody's dick for a hundred dollars.
GARRETT: HA HA HA. You wouldn't touch a DICK?
DERRICK: Like, no.
GARRETT: What if you have a kid, you're gonna have to like touch his dick?
DERRICK: Why?
GARRETT: To like wipe...
ROCCO: Not having a kid. I don't wanna touch his dick.
GARRETT: You have to like wipe... When kids have...
SHAWN: If it's your own kid, it's WAY different.
SHAWN: Time out!
DERRICK: Kids out of the equation, they do stupid shit, kid at a pool take his swim trunks off you see a dick flopping around you just gotta turn your eye to that because he's a little kid, he doesn't know any better. But a grown ass man with his dick hanging out at a pool? That's unacceptable!
GARRETT: Ha ha ha ha
DERRICK: Touching a grown ass man's cock in your hands, getting the, getting the, hand patting, all rubbing that shit? Uh-uh.
GARRETT: No shit.
ROCCO: No this is a serious question. Will you get a boner if a guy, if a guy grabs your dick, do you get? I mean like cause I know when my painus is touched, I do get a boner, but only girls have done that, mom and dad. So rest assured. And...
GARRETT: Ha ha ha ha ha
ROCCO: You know? But a guy's never done that. What if... I mean I'm not interested in guys.
SHAWN: You know, I don't think so
DERRICK: Here's the thing, I wanna say no, but in this situation, I don't know what would happen.
ROCCO: That's blowing my mind, dude! Cause I know that when I do it like I know like it's time to get a boner, if a girl does it, I already have one,
GARRETT: That's why I could never get a
(Scene Missing)
ROCCO: See I told you! I told you!
SHAWN: It happened. It happened.
ROCCO: I told you!
SHAWN: He got one.
GARRETT: It didn't work.
ROCCO: Absolutely failproof.
GARRETT: It didn't work.
ROCCO: You got hard.
External Links[]
- Mega64nimation: Garrett and Crispy on YouTube